Wednesday, July 4, 2012

swim until you can't see land

I think one of the reasons we love newborns is because they help us forget the unimportant things that don't hold any real value.  As soon as a new soul enters this world we stop focusing on the mundane day to day activities that absorb and demand all of our attention and we instead focus on a perfect flawless love that can only come from Yahweh.  Instantly we are no longer the center of our own universe, and all of our hopes, fears and goals are instantly replaced with an entire new set. 





I love Sarah more than I ever thought possible, but when I saw the way she loved our son from the very first second he entered this world naked and screaming, I discovered an even more incredible love.  Even though he's only a week old, Sarah talks to Deegan, loves him, and holds him like she's known him her entire life.  I think the phrase "love at first sight," must have come from a parent upon seeing their child for the first time.



The very first night we brought him home, he didn't want to sleep.  He only wanted to see how loud he could scream.  He kept us up until 6:30 AM.  Sarah and I took 1 hour shifts throughout the night.  One of us would sit in a rocker and hold him while the other tossed and turned on the couch or recliner and pretended to sleep.  Finally at 6:30, he had gotten quiet enough to put back into his crib.  I laid down on the couch and within 30 seconds he had begun wailing again.  I laid there and was so exhausted that for the next 2 minutes all I could think of was "please stop, please, please, please let me get some sleep. please stop."  Finally he stopped, and my very first thought was "Uh oh, is he still breathing?"  So I got up from the couch, ran over and checked on him.  He was fine, but it dawned on me that for the rest of my life I'd have someone to be worried about.



I don't want to sound like a fatalist, but when I look around at the current state of the world I have to admit that sometimes I feel like saying "What are we fighting for?"  We know that this world is meant to fall apart.  It's meant to be a temporary home, and sometimes no matter how strong our faith is, we feel like we're fighting a losing battle.  It feels like we're patching the Hoover Dam by sticking our fingers in the holes. This world is crumbling before our eyes, but we fight because we're told to.  We fight because we know that in the end it isn't a lost cause.  We fight because we want Deegan to have a chance and a choice.




Sarah and I are blessed beyond reason and rationalization.  Sadly, because we're human, we'll eventually lose purpose and direction, however temporary, and focus on houses, clothes, jobs, etc...  But we're here for one purpose, and thankfully the birth of a child will always remind us of that. 

3 comments:

  1. This is the best blog ever! I love the subject and I love the way you talked about him. Very beautiful!!


    Anne

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  2. Great post Beau! Nothing seems to change my perspective on life quite like looking at my kids, and it only seems to make more of an impact as they grow. You have a beautiful baby, and you will both be wonderful parents!

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  3. As I read this post I couldn't help but think back to the day that Maddox was born, as well as those trying nights that followed. Thanks for reminding me of that amazing (and terrifying) time. I am so happy for y'all, and I can't wait to meet Deegan.

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